


Romantic Dreams

by death13



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Autistic Ushijima Wakatoshi, Bittersweet, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, One-Sided Attraction, Other, POV Ushijima Wakatoshi, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/death13/pseuds/death13
Summary: After Tendou appears to have grown an interest in skateboarding, Ushijima is roped into tagging along. Then, involuntarily, he's taught a lesson in Emotions 101.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 99





	Romantic Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I stand with the headcanon that Ushi is autistic... and wale as an autistic person I guess I based this one-shot heavily off of my experiences (especially with hyper fixation and detachment), but I twisted them to fit his character better since I have a significantly different personality from his.

For one, Ushijima isn't interested in skateboarding at all. However, it seems that Tendou has deemed this a worthy pastime and Semi is pretending to be not into it. If he could, Ushijima would practice volleyball all day though he supposes he's also a person of routine and, well, playing along with Tendou's schemes is something he's familiar with.

When personal opinion comes into play, Ushijima must admit that watching Tendou stumble around like an idiot on his first try with the skateboard isn't a particularly fun experience. It's kind of embarrassing, to be honest―people at the skate park are looking, after all, but Semi finds it amusing so he supposes it's alright.

Ushijima stays in the sidelines, as he usually does when faced with social interaction. Talking to people doesn't make him nervous, a trait many envy him for, he just likes to keep to himself and tuck away whatever semblance of a personality he might let surface. Then, he likes to bury it back down.

The feeling of alienation is not intense with him. Rather, it's a dull ache that he ignores and he fills the space with volleyball, because even if he likes the people around him, he won't ever love them the way he loves volleyball. Tendou is the type of person that, when left out of things, inserts himself into them. 

Tendou doesn't love volleyball in the way Ushijima does. After a loss, he decides to whimsically quit in a way Ushijima would never think to do, and then he starts chasing after something else. With Ushijima, it only serves as motivation to improve or to get back at Hinata Shoyo 'from the concrete', or something else. In a way, they're similar, filling some kind of space out of necessity rather than desire.

He's looking at the way his friend is moving all over the place. Semi stays to keep him company as to not be rude, however, he soon announces that he'd like to try skating as well. Ushijima doesn't do much to acknowledge him, instead opting to continue staring ahead with his mind drifting in unknown territories.

"You should try it too," Semi offers. His expression is pleasant with a smile etched over his features yet there's also something restrained and polite about it.

"No." He always finds himself to be firm and direct in the way he speaks. He wonders, sometimes, if that's why everyone appears to be guarded around him.

Ushijima's focus readjusts when he notices that shortly after Semi decided to join Tendou, someone else approached them. You have a skateboard under your feet and you look like you're explaining some sort of trick to them with an animated expression. You seem to make a lot of different gestures when talking while he always finds himself lacking in both areas.

Tendou's mouth hangs open and then he presumably makes some kind of innuendo that makes you laugh slightly, your eyes crinkling, and Semi stares at him with a judgemental expression over his face. A few more words are exchanged and then you skate away from them, Tendou following you shortly after. 

Everything appears to go smoothly until Tendou tries to do a kickflip which ends miserably and he's then left quite literally on his ass. The crash that resounds is so loud even Ushijima catches it from far away and so, you turn around. Semi scuttles over and starts to reprimand him, probably for being a show-off, and you openly laugh at him for tripping like that. 

Ushijima merely observes when after his recovery, Tendou points his way. Semi then says something and you beam at him with such sincerity that it's almost off-putting. He blinks a few times and when you're finally in front of him, he barely registers or thinks anything of it. 

"I'm [L/n] [Y/n]," you introduce yourself. It's brief and boring, and you appeared to have been engaging in a conversation much more interesting prior, so he's not exactly sure why your name sticks with him. Maybe it's the way Tendou is side-eyeing you curiously that makes him convinced that he will be seeing more of you.

"Ushijima Wakatoshi," he offers in a manner that's about as disinteresting as your introduction had been.

He knows that this is some attempt of being inclusive, to help him meet new people, however, this isn't where his priorities lie. If anything, the ocean between them has somehow grown more vast and now it's becoming more apparent that he has nothing to say on the topics you three converse about.

* * *

Ushijima wants to say that he's intrigued as to why he's invited to these outings with you in the first place, but he's mostly wondering to himself why he agrees every single time. He's itching to play volleyball. It must be a newfound desire for self-harm because in the end, he always reluctantly agrees even if his presence is irrelevant. It's not often that Ushijima feels unwanted or that he registers his occupancy as odd. He's plenty popular in school, after all, and all of his teammates respect him and treat him kindly.

It's not that you're a rude person. Okay, maybe in some areas that he doesn't grasp due to some sort of social ineptness, you _would_ be rude. But that's not what makes you so unpalatable. 

"Oh, you guys play volleyball?"

"I'm usually on the bench," Semi says with a sense of self-deprecation. Ushijima thinks that it's not a big deal sometimes, but then he has to remind himself that there's nothing he'd hate more, either. He's never exactly acutely aware of how insensitive he can be, but he likes to check himself occasionally.

"This guy's our ultra-ace," Tendou explains as if he's proud, for some reason, and then points at Ushijima with an arm slung over his shoulders.

You take another sip from your drink. "I could see that 'cause he's all tall and brooding. What about you, Tendou?"

Your reaction is nothing more than an acknowledgment. Why are you so dry with him? He isn't pressed, per se, but it's a stark difference to the way you approach everything with either enthusiasm or a sense of trenchancy. 

Tendou goes off on some kind of tangent about shooting down the ball when blocking. Ushijima is sure that you must have no idea what he's babbling about, or if you do you're probably not that interested in it, but you seem to lap it up anyway. Volleyball is his expertise, though he feels like he cannot say anything even when Semi smoothly re-enters the conversation.

For him, volleyball isn't just a mere hobby or sport. It's the only sensation he knows and he's so dedicated to it that surely nothing in his life would be paid as much attention or be treated so passionately. It's not something he can put into words. 

Tendou has been getting better at this skateboard thing, as a side-note. He doesn't seem to trip nearly half as much. He goes off somewhere with his skateboard and you leap in to join him, at first, though you then back down and decide to be generous by offering Semi yours. He agrees with not-well-concealed enthusiasm. 

You stay under the shade of the awning while leaning against the wall cooly, sipping on your drink. You don't say anything to him and he thinks that he prefers to stay quiet, though having someone talk his ear off is usually what ends up happening. Ushijima is, once again, a lover of routine rather than branching out.

"Hey, Ushijima. Why don't you ever skateboard with us?" you ask abruptly.

"If I asked you to play volleyball with me, would you agree?"

"Probably not. You'd be godmodding," 

Ushijima isn't sure if he catches your drift, or that he knows what godmodding even is. Still, he says nothing and you don't bother speaking after his lack of response.

* * *

"Would it be stupid if I tried to start a band?" Semi proposes one day. Ushijima has seen the sun dip behind the skating park, painting it over in dark blues and peach oranges at least a thousand times. The end of his third year is crawling closer―he will soon be moving onto greater things.

"No!" You're always quick to retort and you always put too much into your voice when you speak. 

"It'd be sick," Tendou continues.

"Sick as in. Sickening," the two of you say in unison before high-fiving each other. Semi cringes. Ushijima frowns. 

"Tough crowd," you boo and Tendou does no more than solemnly agree. "What genre? You'd be totally a country singer."

"I would _not_ ," Semi argues.

Tendou mirrors your grin, which Ushijima always notes to be mocking. "Punk folk, then? You've got the dyed hair and everything. We could get you an anarchy tattoo and you'd be like a poster boy."

"Yeah, I can arrange something―"

Semi's icy glare in your direction immediately makes you deflate. "Nevermind, then," you say dramatically, seemingly dejected that your advances (or so-called help) have been shot down.

"When do you plan to do it?" It's unlike Ushijima to join a conversation out of his own accord. It's always people stringing him along or _something_ just to get a somewhat coherent answer. Even if he doesn't concern himself with such things, no one enjoys feeling like deadweight in any situation. Really, Ushijima is most often in the spotlight. Why is this happening?

"Oh, er, I don't know." Semi grows sheepish all of a sudden, scratching his neck awkwardly. "Just... someday."

"Wow, remember me when I'm famous," Tendou teases. "Wait, I meant when you're famous. Do you think this was a spiritual moment? A little bit of a vision, for the future?"

"It must've been. What do you think, Ushijima?"

"No," he denies flatly. There's a certain satisfaction that comes whenever you address him, though Ushijima doesn't believe himself to be a childish individual, unlike some of his peers. This behavior is inexplicable even if it is all internal. And you're technically all in some kind of friend group, hanging out whenever available, so it's not like you talking to him should be this much of a surprise.

"Guess not, then," you whine while faking a sob. Like Tendou, you could be annoying.

"Miracle Boys are so cruel."

"What does that even mean?" Semi gripes. Ushijima can't help mentally agreeing with him. What _does_ it mean?

"Yeah, make it make sense," you tease as you flick your straw in Tendou's direction. "Is Miracle Boys something like Death Grips?"

A bit of your drink ends up on his cheek and he wipes it off like he's been burned. "God, you're disgusting," he complains, though, for someone who's accusing you of being unsavory, he's smiling a lot.

* * *

Ushijima doesn't like tardiness. Well, it's not like he detests it―rather, he doesn't care for it when coming from other people but he prefers to avoid it for himself. Still, when he goes over to your place for this movie night you're supposed to have with him, Tendou and Semi, his stomach lurches at the thought of being alone with you. It's just so _uncomfortable_. Do you dislike him? Is that the problem?

No, it doesn't make sense for you to invite someone you dislike to your house. Unless that's yet another thing he's doesn't understand about social etiquette. Regardless, you don't look like the type of person to do such a thing.

After a lukewarm greeting, you lead him towards your couch and command him to make himself at home. He doesn't know why you have to be so domineering about it though he doesn't rule out the possibility of it being some kind of joke that has flown over his head. You seem to make those a lot.

"Hm. Semi's going to be here soon," you say irrelevantly, though this information is a tiny bit soothing. "Do you want popcorn? I could let you hoard the bowl as a reward for not being late."

"I don't like special treatment." He speaks in that blunt manner of his once more. 

You laugh a bit. "Alright, big man. It's not that deep."

After that, you enter the kitchen and leave him to his devices (which consist of standing stiffly on the couch and occasionally glancing towards the door in silence). He can hear you moving around, most likely preparing snacks.

Not much time passes by before you hear another knock at the door. You discard whatever you were doing, expecting to see Semi at the entrance. Instead, you're greeted by Tendou leaning to the side in a wannabe cool manner. "Hey, Se― oh, it's just you."

"The change in tone." He clutches onto his shirt dramatically, though you offer no more than an eye roll at his theatrics. "It hurts so much that you're pretending you're not in love with me! Honesty is the best policy, [N/n]."

You cringe. "Your ego's so inflated and for what reason? Your acting is worse than in the lemon porn." Whatever this lemon porn might be, Ushijima doesn't want to know but Tendou seems to be amused by your reference, so he supposes it's alright.

"Every morning, I wake up and get the luxury of being me. Is that not enough?"

"Hm, I suppose I understand. We're communicating on an extraterrestrial level of narcissism."

As Tendou strolls into your apartment, he looks at Ushijima unnaturally perched over your couch. He looks tense. "Wakatoshi-kun," he greets with a mock salute, before flinging himself over the opposite end of the couch.

"Tendou," Ushijima says back tentatively. 

He begins some sort of long-winded explanation about why he was late. Ushijima isn't focusing on his rant―rather, he looks at the way he seems to fit in your room. He's not stiff or uneasy, and for the protocol, he seems to be running his mouth as usual. 

Ushijima is suddenly alert that he doesn't belong.

* * *

Again, Ushijima is not sure how he got roped into this. Tendou says something about graduation, one day, and you seem to agree. After that, Semi joins in and the three of you start trying to convince him to go on some kind of vacation with them. You claim that your relatives have some kind of vacation house near a beach resort and then Semi offers a ride since he got his license recently. Eventually, Ushijima caves in.

When the drive starts, he sits in the passenger seat, next to Semi. You and Tendou are on the backseat and he doesn't know what the two of you are doing but he feels the urge to check. He ignores it and instead opts on eavesdropping. What the two of you are saying, he doesn't understand, but you sound like you're having fun so he supposes that it's alright.

You arrive sometime during the evening and Ushijima dumps the small amount of luggage he brought with him near the bed. He's going to room with Semi, while Tendou volunteered to share with you ardently. 

"This is nice," Semi comments. 

"Yes, the room is quite adequately proportionated," he agrees.

"What. What's with the language?" Semi says incredulously, but then he shakes his head and decides that it doesn't matter. "Tendou and [L/n] wanna hang out at the veranda. Is there something _you_ want to do?"

There's nothing that Ushijima really wants to do right now. He'd like to be playing volleyball, but yet again, this is supposed to be a break before he goes on a college team. He'd like to talk to you and maybe get to know you better on this trip. Veranda it is. 

When he's the last one to come into view, he sees that you've placed a bunch of bowls on the table. You and Tendou seem to be discussing something, though when you notice the other two, you decide to speak. "I hope Hayashi rice is fine with you? There's not much else here."

"It's my favorite," Ushijima informs you bluntly. 

You only smile slightly in return. "I'll try to remember that, then."

His hands feel slightly clammy when he sits down. Everything seems peaceful until Tendou decides to start trying to rope you into some kind of pyramid scheme. "Hey, can we go out for chocolate ice cream later? If you buy me one, I'll buy you two tomorrow."

"You're a free-loader," you accuse. "No way."

"I'm not! You spread this rumor."

"Supposively," you state, confidently.

"Supposively?" Semi asks.

"Supposively," Tendou confirms with air-quotes around the word. He knows it was you, a made-up phrase won't make him change his mind.

The three of you turn towards Ushijima as if waiting for him to contribute something. He remembers that Tendou once said that honesty is the best policy and he doesn't exactly have the intent of a liar, so he follows this piece of advice. "Hm. I think you guys meant to say supposedly." 

Everyone cracks a smile at that, telling him to never change―not that he was planning on doing that, anyway. He supposes that it's alright, then, if you're all having fun. 

"Wait, how come Wakatoshi-kun gets his favorite but I can't even get some chocolate ice cream? This is favoritism." Ushijima doesn't understand what Tendou's whining about when you're the closest to him. Can't he see that? 

You make a face before pulling on his cheeks, though instead of what Ushijima thinks is supposed to be intended as friendly teasing instead comes off as something that's going to leave a bruise. "It was just a coincidence. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so whiny? You're like that giant baby," you say, slightly drawling out your syllables in the way Tendou does.

He begins some sort of retaliation, though his words are quickly interrupted by Semi. "Actually, we could go out tonight anyway, and Tendou can get his ice cream."

"YES!"

"You're paying for it," Semi scolds. Ushijima thinks that he's right to say that. You already let them stay here, no?

"NO!"

You laugh triumphantly at your friend's defeat. Ushijima finds himself liking the sound.

* * *

"Ugh, I think I got brain freeze," Tendou complains. After you went on a walk around town with Semi buying useless souvenirs and Tendou eating whatever type of ice cream gets his attention, you were all hanging out. 

"Sucks to suck. Hey, give me that." Not only did you laugh at his pain without any guilt nor shame, but you also stole his ice cream. He hits his head against your back lightly and though you're used to his man-child tendencies, you're not sure what this is about. "What're you doing?"

"Chowder, I need a pain killer," he declares. "I miss Zoloft-chan."

You continue eating, seemingly unbothered even when he snakes his arms around your waist from his awkward position. "We can go back after I finish my ice cream."

"It's _mine_ ," he corrects.

"Tomato idiom," you say with a shrug. "I'll show you a new trick. Hey, guys, are you coming back with us, or do you still wanna stay out here?"

"Well, there are a few more souvenir shops I'd like to check out," Semi announces. Ushijima isn't excited by the prospect, however, he prefers looking at tacky designs over engaging in whatever it is the two of you like doing. It makes him feel left out and something else he can't quite decipher.

So, he nods at Semi's suggestion. He can then simply watch as you show Tendou how two people can skateboard at the same time―with you holding onto his waist, this time, and his only job being to try balancing. It's the first time Ushijima watches you skate so slowly and it almost looks elegant.

Semi tugs on his hand, pulling him out of his stupor. "The souvenir shop," he trails off awkwardly and there's a strange expression across his face that makes look like he's seen something he wasn't supposed to. But, again, Ushijima has never been good at reading these types of cues.

He blinks. "Right."

* * *

The next day, you go to the beach. 

Ushijima doesn't quite feel like swimming and you're all standing around like a bunch of people that have nothing better to do. To be fair, that's true. When you stand up with newfound conviction to finally go and swim for a little, you notice a few college kids playing beach volleyball. 

"Ushijima, have are you missing playing volleyball?" you ask all of a sudden. Admittedly, you don't know him that well but through Semi and Tendou, you've got a hint as to how much the sport means to him. Well, anyone with eyes could see that, but you've never been in many situations with him where this passion could come in the spotlight.

"Yes," he admits guiltily.

"These guys are playin' beach volleyball over there. Would you mind if I ask if you could play with them?" you offer. Of course, you understand if that's not what he'd want to do, though you want to give him an option to enjoy himself with something that's more within his circle.

"That'd be epic," Tendou prods. 

How could he say no when you're smiling at him like that? Actually, that doesn't sound like an enjoyable time when he puts it into perspective―it's volleyball, after all. "I'd like that."

"Ooh, it's settled then." You rush ahead, dragging the trio after you, and then start making amends with one of the college guys. He seems to agree fairly easily, and Ushijima can't help being slightly touched.

* * *

Until the end of your little vacation, staying out late at the beach has become somewhat of a habit. Ushijima looks at your face illuminated by the bonfire, and then his gaze flickers towards Tendou. The two of you always stare at each other like you think that no one else is looking, and there might be some kind of beauty in that, but Ushijima thinks that he's more envious than awed. 

People tend to want what they can't have, what's out of reach, they say. Ushijima used to think that that's inane, however, now he realizes that it's a merely cruel coincidence. He might've been too oblivious until now to notice what it is about you that truly bothers him. 

You're generally an extroverted person, aren't you? He's seen how talkative you can be, though when it comes to you and him, you never say anything. He wonders if he's so boring he's somehow managed to suck you dry. But the option of him being too negative isn't to be excluded.

"I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to run into open water," Tendou announces before standing up. You all blankly stare at him. He seems to be expecting at least one of you to agree with him and join him, however, when it comes down to it, all he can do is call you all boring.

"The water is cold," you deadpan.

"Pass," Ushijima says.

"Pass as well."

Tendou, in one probably practiced motion, throws his shirt in your face and runs off. You scoff and fling it somewhere else before chasing after him. Semi sighs at your childish behavior and the two of them can't help gaping at you kicking sand in Tendou's direction. 

"Dude! What the hell?" he cries.

"This is for traumatizing me by doing yoga in the nude." Oh right, that happened a few days ago.

"You're the one spreading this rumor," appears to be Tendou's new go-to excuse. Ushijima can't count the number of times he's heard his classmate say that. Or, well, he has to remind himself that they're technically not classmates anymore. "I'm a perfect philanthropist, I'd _never_ participate in some mediocre behavior."

Cue more sand being kicked at him. Having enough of your tyranny, he pushes you in the water and you then proceed to scream some sort of reprimand through your giggles. Tendou joins you and the two of you disappear somewhere out of earshot, without delving too deep into the water.

Semi watches your antics with a tired expression on his face, though he sees this as a good opportunity to ask Ushijima something. "Hey, Ushijima-san. You're not uncomfortable with us, right? I know we always string you along to come with us or whatever, and I'm basically always third-wheeling for Tendou and [L/n] anyway even though they're doing that I'm-too-stubborn-to-ask-you-out type shit right now. But I hope you're not bored. We all like hanging out with you, even if you keep to yourself sometimes."

Truly, Ushijima is not bored. Rather, he's dealing with something he's never dealt with before, and it kind of hurts, but not in a way that's unbearable. Though, if he has to be honest―he'd rather be bored.

Before he can deny Semi's words, the boy slightly smiles. "Well, I doubt you'd do something you don't want to do, anyway."

"Yes," Ushijima says sparingly. His desire to keep meeting up with you is his biggest mistake.

* * *

After the short trip the four of you went on, he doesn't see you for a while. You send him texts sometimes, trying to make some kind of small talk and the only thing he has to contribute to the conversation are short one-sentence answers.

When he sees you face-to-face, it's at your birthday party. Granted, parties aren't his scene, though you've invited him and he finds it hard to say no. 

Picking you a present appears to be a struggle. He seems to draw a line when he thinks about what might make you happy, or be to your liking. What kind of person are you? Why is he so fixated on you? He can't help registering the looming feeling of dejection he gets the longer he dwells on it.

He ends up simply giving you money so you can get something that you like. Ushijima has gotten plenty of birthday gifts that he doesn't care for, so he thinks that this is his best option. It might take off a few originality points, sure, but his opinion is that it's better than something you never end up using.

Ushijima watches the way you give Tendou a bear hug and accept his gift, Semi gets a hug that lingers less, and he gets a beaming smile as well as a few words of gratitude. He's not one for physical contact, anyway, but he still wonders what it would've felt like. 

The longer he stays there, the less the things that are happening around him matter. He regrets going out in the first place and he's stuck merely observing you from far away as he always does. Longing isn't something he was ever interested in feeling, but emotions tend to stray away from logical interest.

His night gets worse when he takes a taste of your cake and realizes that it's bad. So now he's sitting allow on a couch, alone, with a full plate of food that's not even to his liking. 

When you sit down on the couch, next to him, he's taken aback. "Do you not like the cake?" you say, vaguely gesturing towards it.

Your other free hand stays motionless, laying flat on the couch, close to his. It'd be easy to intertwine your fingers, though Ushijima does no such thing. It occurs to him―well, it has occurred to him many times before, but this time he finally accepts it rather than fervently tormenting himself in his mind over it―that your hand isn't one for him to hold. 

"It's awful," he states, as simple as ever.

"I can get you something else if you want. Hayashi rice, maybe."

Do you pity him?

"No, thanks."

"Ushijima... Say, honestly, do you dislike me?"

"No." You seem to believe him since you know that he's not one to lie.

You give him a blinding smile and he returns it with a slight twitch of his lips. Ushijima is not one to be finifugal―he thinks that partings are necessary and inevitable. Some are dramatic, some can be beautiful, some can be simply satisfying. But most of all, they tend to be clumsy and accidental. 

Tendou comes by and gives you a chaste kiss on the cheek ("As an extra birthday present," he claims) and then somehow pulls both of you onto the dancefloor. Ushijima thinks that he won't be seeing you again.


End file.
